We've all been there, standing at the checkout whilst the person in front is counting their change ever so slowly and you've got to be somewhere in ten minutes. You feel your stomach churning, body temperature rising, hands clench and your eyebrow ever so subtly twitch in suppressed rage. If you've never been angry then you're either telling porkies or you've got anger management down to a tee, in which case I salute you.
But this is for the people who find it difficult to come down from anger or tense situations, to start with, it's biologically normal to have these emotions, we've been running on adrenaline since day dot and it won't stop anytime soon but it does become a problem when you feel this emotion constantly. It can cause physiological problems, relationship issues and depression.
Here is how to de-escalate these high emotions in five steps:
Look Past The Situation
I can see you raising your eyebrow saying 'what do you mean?!?' No, I don't mean ignore it, what I mean is look at the person who is causing you anger. Do they look frail? Do they look under stress themselves? It's easy to be angry at someone especially when they deserve it but sometimes it helps to put yourself in their position. Take the person at the checkout slowly counting their change, does the person look elderly, stressed or vulnerable? If so, they are probably feeling anxious themselves and find shopping difficult in general which results in slower actions so they can feel more in control of the situation. In face, they probably already know that they are aggravating people behind them which only adds to their anxiety. Everyone has a reason why they do the things they do so give the benefit of the doubt. Once you do that, you start to realise that being one minute late isn't that much of an issue and you've probably made someone's day in being understanding.
2. Take Deep Breathes
It's an oldie but it has been tried and tested for centuries, breathing exercises really does calm you down. It works by increasing your oxygen which in turn reduces your blood pressure that slows the heart and results in releasing tension in your stomach, the body is truly an amazing thing! So when you start to feel anger or tension, use your body as a coping mechanism by:
Breathe out as far as possible so that your belly is low, make sure to do this comfortably without forcing it.
Breathe in slowly through your nose and then out through your mouth.
Keep doing this, gently and regularly. You can do this whilst counting to ten in your head, but do it for however long you feel comfortable with.
Then, without gaps, let it flow out gently for 5 seconds (again, however long you feel comfortable with.)
Keep doing this for 3 minutes.
You should after this breathing exercise, start to feel calm within your body which in turn will calm your mind. Next time you have a co-worker who is stressing you out and you feel like snapping, take time out and practice these exercises.
3. Find A Place To Be Quiet
I realise that this is not always possible, especially when you have children or when you're at the workplace, but even the knowledge of knowing that you have a quiet place to go to later on in the day can calm the mind. A quiet place can be anywhere from the shed to the park, as long as it's somewhere that makes you calm and serene then it's a place of value to you. Having a quiet place allows you to collect your thoughts and let your mind settle, this is essential to dissipate any anger or tension as it cancels out any noise in the background and you can then focus on you and yourself only.
4. Eat Well & Often
Believe it or not, some feelings of anger can derive from sugar lows or lack of energy. When you haven't eaten properly, it can lead to sluggishness and tiredness which causes frustration and confusion so if your eating habits aren't as optimal as it should be and you are feeling angry more often, try eat foods that provide you with sufficient nutrients and feeds your body properly. What you put in your body affects the mind and everything else, it all works hand in hand so be a team and work together.
Here are some foods that are said to encourage better moods:
- Salmon
- Mushrooms
- Dark Chocolate
- Grapes
5. Talk To Someone
Sometimes, increased feelings of anger can be the by-product of unresolved issues that need to be addressed. It can be helpful and cathartic to speak out about what is bothering you internally, no-one likes to speak out about their issues but if it isn't resolved and left to linger, it can cause you to bubble up inside and that isn't healthy for you and to anyone else. See it as a form of self care and as a positive step in the right direction, there is nothing to lose by talking to someone, you might find that your feelings of anger and tension starts to decrease immediately after talking to someone. If you wish to not talk to someone you know, here are a few numbers that you can ring who are trained professionals and will help you by talking things out:
Mind 0300 123 3393 - You can ring them to discuss mental health problems and they help you through finding support networks near you and how to help you through treatment if it is needed.
Samaritans 116 123 This number is completely free and you can talk to them about anything that is upsetting you. They are free 24/7, 365 days a year.
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) 0800 58 58 58 You can ring this number if you're struggling and need to talk, they are available to talk to from 5 pm to midnight every day of the year.
If you can think of anymore ways of dealing with tension, please feel free to comment below. We are a community so let's work together to combat mental health problems.
See you at the next blog post!
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